Friday, January 3, 2014

Like trying to diffuse a bomb while people are clanging pots and pans together.

Hello and Happy New Year!
It's 2014! The year of change and ...the horse.

So! I decided on something and I'm excited albeit a little anxious about it, I'm gonna be honest.
But I expected it. Change is always a mix of excitement and anxiousness right? ...that's why it's called change.

What I didn't expect however, was the amount of annoyance I was going to feel. The amount of cringing, flinching and frowning I was going to experience - on my part, really.

You see, I've decided to go back to study. (yea hold on to your opinions for awhile k?)

Almost every conversation I would have would go the same way and honestly, it was annoying me to no end.

"What do you want to study?"

Why bother asking me what I'm going to study? Why not just go straight into telling  me what I should instead? Because that's where the conversation is going to be steered anyway.

If I were to say -
Law : That's going to take a very long time you know?
Medicine : You can ah? It's very tough, young people these days always very kiasu. Will do your head in.
Accounting : Alot of people taking accounting these days. You sure you want to do ah?
Interpretative dance : Can cari makan ah this kind of thing?

I feel when they ask these things, it's not even about being curious nor genuinely wanting to get to know you or even so they can throw words of wisdom at you anymore. It's just the sheer delight in getting to make a comment about front of your face.

"Oh I think it's something you can pick it up yourself. 
It's not something you need to have a degree for"

Bill gates starting programming in high school. So I guess we should tell all the colleges to shut down whatever programming courses they have guys. They can pick it up themselves, let's maybe get in touch with someone so that we can sort these time wasters out. *rolls eyes*

Please note the sarcasm in's not something you need to have a degree for.

WELL, I want to go into the GYM when my Pokemon are fighting fit and not only run around in the grass to train them when I end up in the poke center. So let me.

"You going overseas/ that college/ that uni/ that state? A lot of money you know?"

No la I dunno. Please give me a breakdown of how much money would be involved. *rolls eyes*
If you aren't paying for me I don't see why it's any of your concern how much I would/wouldn't be spending.

"You know how old you will be then?"
"It's very hard to find a job with that these days"
"That's a really long time you know"
"Why do you even want to study that"

The questions people were asking felt like they were just a way to pry at the door. Leave it open for criticism, as to satisfy the feeling of simply needing to say something. None of which, were the least bit helpful.

I was trying to make a decision and it wasn't easy for me. Imagine there's a bomb in the room and instead of trying to google which wire we should cut or trying to reason out how to dispose of it, you're in a room filled with a bunch of people clanging pots and pans together and blowing on vuvuzelas in your ear....that's how I felt/feel. Empty vessels man, empty vessels.

Many a times these conversations were like a game of offence and defence. I got tired of it. So tired that whenever someone asks me what I'm doing I just shrug or try to change the subject entirely because I KNEW what would come after. *ninja!*So if you ever asked and you've never got a straight answer, you know why la. This one you should be able to pick up on by yourself.

If I sound tetchy and peevish it's because I am. I didn't expect was the level of negativity and discouragement I would get. I was surprised myself. So surprised that it was borderline disgusting.

Did these people have a template they followed to say this? Or do people just google "How to be negative and discourage" in their free time? And when has learning or knowledge ever been a waste of time?

I've thought long and hard about this and I've made my decision. Why should a person who knows me some think they're in the place to tell me what I should or shouldn't, can or can't, must or mustn't do with my life? Can't please everyone la sorry, too busy living my own life...maybe some people can take notes.

A question I often get asked is also what my end goal is - which is what follows after the disbelief that I'm going back to study *an added pinch of judgement for good measure*

Well, what are you going to be doing 5 years from now?  Because honestly, I don't know. And I don't expect to not 5 years from then anyway. If you do that's great for you, I wish I had that assurance like you did, I'm sure everyone would.

But...Why ask me about what my end goal? I'm starting something, I'm laying it down. I'm taking it as it comes, but I still see that there's quite a bit of path in front of me (at least 3 years worth). I haven't started moving, why must I know where I'm gonna end? Once I've started (and maybe when I'm, half way there) I'll continue laying it down more so there's always some path ahead of me.You see, I do know which way I'm going, but I don't really plan on stopping anywhere. Maybe that's the best and scariest part haha : Having options.

So anyway, I'm gonna enjoy the journey. Because just like playing Mario, most of the fun is in the game. You're agitated it isn't the princess you find at the end of this map but you're secretly delighted that you get to play some more.

I'm also glad I realized what good friends I have. Ones who genuinely have my best interest at heart and support the decisions I make - who also say they just want a place to stay if I go overseas but that's beside the point.

Resolutions this year! I'll have a proper "visit here/ go there" list later.
But my biggest resolution would be not to be one of those people *points above* because I don't think anyone needs another one of them in their lives. Nobody needs more people clanging pots together for no good measure.... the world can't take it guys.

So really, if you aren't prepared to say anything nice or encouraging. Just bite down hard on your lip and not say anything, or change the topic *ninja!*

I'm gonna be try to be more supportive and encouraging this year okay?  And try my hardest not to end up being that "life preacher" that nobody needs.

here's to a new year guys *clink*

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